“Pig-Lord Supreme”
An Interview with GWAR
by Jake Student

Even though I am completely unworthy to be graced by his conversation, I was given the delightfully wholesome opportunity to interview GWAR front-man Oderous Urungus. So I’m just gonna cut to the chase. After racing through Memorial Day weekend traffic (and being well over an hour late for the interview), I finally got our supreme Pig-Lord on the phone for a little insight into the twisted mind of a true living-dead god from outer-space…

Oderous: I don’t know how you humans stand these cars man. They drive me crazy.

Jake: Yeah, I go pretty crazy with the plastic pieces of crap and metal myself, huge pain in the ass.

Oderous: I’ve been in one for 6 hours. I’ve been running around all day and it’s killing me. But I’m ready to do this interview now. I am at your disposal sir.

Jake: Allright! What were you doing when I called? Did I interrupt anything?

Oderous: I’m just coming back from a very high level meeting with the big-wigs over at Syrius Radio trying to get Oderous Urungus his own radio show. Oderous deserves his own show. Humans can call me and ask about God and Satan, sex, and death. I’d play killer metal music and vomit all over the place, plus I’d have hot chicks come on air. The meeting went real well, but unfortunately, it ended badly with the GWAR tradition of decapitating the messenger. But damnit, I’m a living undead Pig Lord from outer space, I’ve got a very unique perspective on things, I know God and Satan personally. I think I could clear up a lot of confusion by being on the radio.

Jake: I agree, I think you could help us out a lot. In fact, I was wondering, what planet ARE you from?

Oderous: Well, I’m really not from any ONE planet. Bits of me are from all over the place. Usually the most violent planets, the ghetto planets, the ones with the worst crime problems, war, drugs and disease. I’ve got bits and pieces from each planet...Hold on a second, I gotta pay my parking ticket…

(In the background)  Ok, here ya go…ahh, it’s only for one day!  Ten dollars?!?!

Man I really don’t understand this money thing. One sec…my car’s on fire. They stopped giving me beemers and shit because I like to crash ‘em.

Jake: That sucks. It’s fun to crash cars, especially beemers. So Oderous, what brought you here to Earth?

Oderous: Well, we really didn’t have a choice. We loaded into the cosmic Butt-Cannon and got shot here. That happened because the master of all creation, who rules the galaxy (well, at least he thinks he does), created us to be his ultimate doomsday warriors. He basically made us too powerful and we were just fucking up all over the galaxy. Finally, he decided that the only thing he could do would be to banish us to the most remote, miserable corner of the galaxy, and of course that was the planet that goes by the name of Earth. We’ve been stuck here for millions of years.

Jake: Now you yourself are about 28-million years old right?

Oderous: Yeah, somewhere around that.  

Jake: Well how the hell do you keep going all these years and keep topping yourself?

Oderous: Well I’m immortal. Ya know, the laws of physics, gravity, politeness, none of that stuff applies to me.  I’m a living breathing train-wreck. Unless I am that, people get mad at me, but that doesn’t really do you any good. Getting mad at Uderous is like getting mad at the sun. Anyways…I would say the baby blood bath enema that I have everyday really does help preserve my youth. But really, IT’S THE POWER OF METAL DAMN IT!!! Metal keeps me going. I enjoy what I do. How many humans can say that, how many people or gods from outer space can say that. If we didn’t do it, nobody would be able to. Not only are we working the job we love, but also performing a very valuable public service.

Jake: And we all appreciate that very much. So tell me Oderous, what’s your favorite color?

Oderous: Clear.

Jake: What’s your favorite form of mutilation?

Oderous: They’re all so excellent. I like to use my hands, I refuse to use any kind of electrical stuff. I like to use medieval weapons. So…drawing and quartering someone and then feeding their guts to a pack of wild pigs, yeah…I’m gonna do that as soon as I get home.

Jake: Very cool, sounds like a good time. What’s your favorite Madonna album?

Oderous: The first one. She was kinda hot back then. I really wanted to bang her for about half a second. Nah, actually…I don’t even like Madonna…

Jake: Yeah, that actually wasn’t a serious question. The real question is “What’s your favorite ritual before a show?”

Oderous: Let’s see…I guess drinking heavily is big part of it. We drink these “Battle Bombs.” It’s a whole bunch of Jagermiester and Red Bull, except we drink them out of 5-gallon buckets. That’s one thing we really do enjoy…we’ve been all over the galaxy but for some reason Jagermiester and Red Bull really hit the fucking spot. Right before we go onstage after we eat a couple babies, we drink a couple Battle Bombs and we’re good to go.

Jake: Sounds quite appetizing. Tell me a little bit about you minions. I see them all the time at your shows. What do they help you out with?

Oderous: Well, the slaves of GWAR are an insufferable bunch. Basically, they are very talented artists that we steal from all over art schools across the country. They do all the work and we take all the credit.

We’ve always got humans BEGGING to be slaves, I don’t know why they would want to do it…it’s really a horrible job.  But still, humans, and even stranger than that, really hot chicks wanna work for me. I just don’t understand the human race.

Jake: We’re weird people, man.  

Oderous: I guess that’s why we created you. I don’t know if you knew that or not but we actually created the human race by having sex with animals…

Jake: Wow…actually, that explains a lot.

Oderous: It does, and you can usually tell what kind of animal you’re related to by looking in the mirror. Like for example, what are you from?

Jake: What animal am I from? I’m not 100% sure on this, but I’d say probably a snake and a monkey.

Oderous: Oooo… a snake-monkey man. That sounds cool.

Jake: Yeah, I’ve been told that my mom was a snake and my dad is a monkey.

Oderous: Wow, so they weren’t even human.

Jake: Well, ya know, according to all the stories, myths, legends and all that, there was apparently some humans in the mix somewhere…

Oderous: Crazy, maybe they were having sex and somewhere an orangutan got in the mix and some trans-pollination occurred.

Jake: That sounds about right actually. Either way, it’s worked out great so far, I can fling my own feces and shed my skin at the same time. I’m stoked. Well, Uderous, it’s been great talking to you. I know you have various acts of mutilation and debauchery to attend to, so let’s end this glorious conversation with what you got planned this summer….

Oderous: We got a big fuckin’ tour, going out on The Sounds of the Underground for the third year in a row. They’re only tour that still has the balls to book us. Actually this year we’re headlining so that means we get to play in the dark. GWAR tends to do a little better with the lights out and especially with our killer light show. The last SOTU tours we played in broad daylight. So we’re doing that and there’s rumor of an amazing tour later this year but I can’t really talk about that yet.

I’m very busy guy here. I’m an artist, possibly a radio personality, and plus I’m a prolific serial rapist. There’s always a project I’m working, there’s always someone or something that I’m getting into.

We love what we do.